Dating with herpes com
“This isn’t everyone’s experience, but when I started dating with herpes, I found out none of my partners cared.”Although she sees that it’s intriguing to potentially avoid attachment—and thus heartbreak—by telling someone right out the gate, she makes an excellent point in favor of taking your time: “Nobody tells you all of the things about themselves that you usually don’t find out for a bit, like they have really bad credit or they’re a horrible cook, until you get to know each other.” Of course, it’s different with a health condition you can pass to someone else, but it’s worth noting.
Although they tell potential partners at different points in the relationship, Carlson and Davis’ actual disclosure process is pretty similar.
“On a first date with this wonderful guy, I told him, and he couldn’t handle it,” she says.
“I really wonder if it would have changed things to wait until we had connected more.”On the flip side, she’s also dated “quite a few guys who didn’t care at all” even though she told them ASAP.
The infection, which is caused by the herpes simplex 1 and herpes simplex 2 viruses and passed via skin-to-skin contact, can show up as a cluster of sores on the mouth area or genitals.
It can also be asymptomatic, so most people with herpes don’t know they have it, which is a large part of the reason why it’s so prevalent.
I take acyclovir and have no outward symptoms, but the herpes is getting in the way of my having a relationship. I’d never had an outbreak before a “boil” developed on my backside 15 years ago, shortly after my husband of 20 years and I divorced.
Davis says the number one question they get on The STD Project is about how to tell a new partner.
Jenelle Marie Davis, 34, of Grand Rapids, Michigan, will gladly explain why having herpes isn’t the end of the world. It took years for Davis, founder of The STD Project, which encourages awareness and acceptance of various sexually transmitted diseases, and spokesperson for Positive Singles, a dating site for people with STDs, to come to terms with the diagnosis she got at age 16.“My mom says the entire way home from my appointment, I cried and said no one would ever love me, no one would ever want me, and I’d never get married,” Davis tells SELF.
When she was diagnosed with herpes almost three years ago, Whitney Carlson, 29, a social media editor in Chicago, had a similar reaction.
I feel awful about myself and I’m very sad to think I’ll never have an intimate partner in my life. When I told him about the herpes after a few dates and before we became intimate, he said he’d been tested for STDs and wasn’t concerned.
Then a couple of years after we started being sexual- including oral sex-he got a sore on his lip. About six months later, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and started treatments that made having intercourse impossible—but he would no longer have oral sex with me, either.